JustJessie

At Your Service

I know I've done a lot of this lately, but I wanted to relay to you a conversation that took place in our home this week...

Grayson:  Mo-o-om, I'm thirsty.  Bring me some water.

Me:  You are perfectly able to get your own water.  Do you think I'm your servant?

Grayson:  Yes.  Moms are servants.

Me (eyes wide, looking at Jeff in wonder): Um, Nooo.  Mothers are NOT servants.  If that's what you think, you'd better think again!

G:  No, I don't mean you're a servant.  I mean moms are like servants.  I mean, you cook our food; you bring it to the table; you clean our house, wash our clothes.  You know, servant stuff.

EXCUSE ME??

Jeff (wisely choosing this point to mediate before I lose it):  Your mother does all those things for us because she loves us, Son.  She doesn't have to do a single one of them, and you had better appreciate it when she does!

Harumph. 

Need I even tell you that that conversation triggered some changes in our house?  Guess who is now in charge of his own toy pick up, getting his lunch ready for school, laying his own clothes out the night before.  There has been a slave revolt in deep, dark Alabama.

Graysonisms and Grantinese

Grayson:  I can't go to art camp today.  My tummy hurts.  I think it's financial bacteria.

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Grant:  I ate up my lunch.  Can I have berzert now?

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Grant:  Oh no!  I got freeze-bowl (brain-freeze).

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Grant:  We saw Kun-Fu Panna at the Feodore (theodore, er, I mean theatre)!

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Grayson:  If this game is made in China, then they're speaking Spanish.

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Grayson:  Mom, when we get to heaven, will we be able to breathe under water?

Me:  I don't know, son.

Grayson:  Well, I guess I'll give it a try.  I mean, if I'm dead anyway, what's it gonna hurt?

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Me:  Grayson, you better behave.  If you pull one more card, you'll be getting a spanking from your daddy.

{mumble, mumble, mumble coming from the backseat of the car}

Grayson:  It's okay, Mom, I just prayed and asked God to wish me luck.

Soft Rock Infomercials

As I was drying Grant off after his bath, I could hear Grayson singing in the next room...

"Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer..."  then, "I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky..." 

His voice sounded so pretty, I didn't want to interrupt him, so I came very quietly around the corner into his room.  I needn't have bothered with stealth.  About the time I walked in, this is what I saw:  sitting on his bed, wrapped in his towel, head thrown back, eyes squinted shut, "HERE AND NO-O-OW, I PROMISE TO LOVE FAITHFULLEEEEE!"  Then without ever opening his eyes, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOU-OU-OUT YOOOOU, AFTER I BEEN LOVIN' YOU SOO LOOONG?"

It was awesome!  He was soo into it.  I had a really hard time not laughing, but I didn't want to hurt his little feelings.

I'm thinking he saw one of those infomercials one Saturday morning at the grandparents house, what do you think?

Summer-time Grantinese

Since school's been out, I have been very lazy about cooking, especially breakfast and especially  since the boys get up at 6:00 on the dot every day.  Grant's favorite cold breakfast food?  "Yucky Charms."

All our time in the sun hasn't given Grant a tan at all, but he has gotten an adorable spray of "fraggles" across his nose.

At random times through the day, he will walk up to me and say, "Oh!  You're very goo-ud at that Mommy.  Goo-ud jawb!"

The second we walk out the door, Grant stops on the doormat and says, "Oh it sure IS hot out here!"  He sounds just like a little grandma.

When he jumps in the pool, he shouts at the top of his voice, "Candy-Baw!" (Cannonball)

And I leave you with one Graysonism as well. When on the attack in the pool, he shouts "Panty-hoe!" instead of Talley-ho!

A Genius and a Guinea Pig

The Genius:  Grayson is very into inventing right now.  We're forever helping him find duct tape, paper clips, clothes pins, and various other items necessary for inventing.  Yesterday he introduced his latest contraption, the "Memory Screen Imager."  When wearing the "imager" electricity comes down from the sky, through the knife er, antenna and a happy memory is displayed on the inside of the goggles, and it makes it seem as if you were living it all over again.

The Guinea Pig:  Frequently Grayson uses his little brother to test his experiments, and this one was no exception.  He rigged it up on Grant last night while I was rounding up the bedtime crew (Kasey the Koala, Danny the Dinosaur, Bears the Blanket, and Puppers the Dog).  The memory Grant saw was the day he made Puppers, and when Grayson asked if he could really see it, Grant exclaimed, "Yeah!  I wunner how it works like dat, Bubba?!  Dat so cool!"

Come Peasants!

Bow before your Sultan!

Dumpster Divers Club

Ahem... I now call to order the first official meeting of the Dumpster Diver's Club.  Before we begin, I shall outline the rules and premise of said club. 

Rule 1:  All members shall be inducted by their first dumpster diving experience.  If a member does not return from the alley with an interesting piece of refuse, he shall not be permitted entry.

Rule 2:  All findings shall come from "clean trash" only.  That is to say, the trash must come from a home we know to be clean, and must have never been inside an actual trash can.

Rule 3:  All members must provide decoration or furniture for DDC that came directly from the alley, as non-recycled pieces will not be permitted.

Rule 4:  Sworn secrecy... oops.

Our Own Kind of Normal

 

Disco dancing Grayson style!  Don't ask me why they pulled their shirts over their heads to do it!

Weekend Funnies

We had one of those weekends that's hard to blog about, because it was so very busy it kind of made our heads spin.  I thought rather than give you the play-by-play, I'd just share a few things that made me giggle.

First of all, on Friday night we went to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, and when the party goers sat down for cake and ice cream, Grayson turned to me with tears welling up in his puppy dog eyes.  I went to him and asked him what was wrong,and he assured me it was nothing.  The next day, he told me that he was upset because his teacher's daughter sat beside him at the table, and he was afraid the kids in his class would think he liked her.  Like, liked her he meant.  Did I mention that she's nine years old?  And no one even noticed who he sat by?

Fast-forward to Saturday night.  We got take out from the Japanese restaurant, and after we sat at the table Grayson remembered he hadn't washed his hands.  He went into the kitchen and we all heard a bang and something falling to the floor.  Grayson walked into the dining room with his hands up and said, "Don't worry, Mom, the beer is OK!"  He knocked an unopened bottle of wine over onto the floor.  Should I be embarassed that he thought I was more worried about the wine than him?

In telling me about an incident at school on Friday, Grayson said "Miss Pace said if we didn't behave, we were going to see steam come out of her ears!! Do you think it really would have?  Was she telling the truth?  That would have been SO cool to see steam come out of her ears.  Does she have water in her head?"

Advanced Grantinese

I have a Grantinese term here, and I dare you to guess it's meaning.  The word is "Dine-ut-sower".  And while you can guess that it is really "dinosaur" if you say it out loud, that is not what it means.  Are you ready for the answer?

"Dine-ut-sower" is Grantinese for elevator.  Strange, huh?  Let me explain how this word evolved.  Everyday on the way to Grayson's class we pass an elevator in the hallway.  Grant always runs to it and pushes the button, even though we don't ride it.  One day he asked, "What dat is makin' dat ding?" (It makes a dinging noise when he pushes the button).  I told him it was an elevator, and he was like, "Oh! Addabater."

So when we went to pick Grayson up that afternoon, Grant ran over and pushed the button as usual.  Then he said, "Dat Addagator goes ding!"  So, addabater became addagator.  I corrected him, but he didn't hear the difference in what we were saying.  For the next adaptation of the word, you need to know that Grant gets his large reptiles confused.  Dinosaurs, alligators, and dragons are all the same to him.  So the next morning, instead of pushing the button on the "addagator" he wanted to know if we could ride that "dine-ut-sower."  So goes the evolution of the dine-ut-sower.