No More New Kid

{I couldn't help taking this picture.  The hoodie, the mp3 player, and the serious expression were just too much for this mama to resist!}

In the bath Sunday night, Grayson told Jeff, "I can't wait to go to school tomorrow.  I won't be the new kid anymore!"  Not that being the new kid was so bad.  He had a great first week.  Aside from one instance where another kid called him "girl's boy" because he was tiptoeing around with some of the girls (ladies' man would have been a much more appropriate term for Grayson), and the confusion over the boy sitting next to him in class, his week was perfect.  What was the confusion about his neighbor you ask?  Mainly that he was, in fact, a boy.  See, he has longish curly hair and a high pitched voice and his mom sends him to school in very babyish clothes.  Grayson kept telling me about the girls who sat next to him, and when he finally remembered their names, they were McKenna and John.  We had a little talk that night and set him straight.

So, fastforward to last night.  Grayson had been kind of quiet about school, not offering as much information as is usual for him.  Then, just before supper, he starts to cry.  No... wailing would be a better term for it.  As it turns out, there are an odd number of kids in Grayson's class, and all the learning centers are set up for two kids at a time (2 computers, 2 set of headphones, etc.).  Every week they draw someone's name out of a hat, and that person has to do the learning centers alone for the whole week.  The centers basically fill any free time they have in the class.  On the first day of Grayson's second week of school, his name came out of the hat.  So, in his own words, " I have to play alone EVERYDAY, and I don't get to talk to ANYBODY or have ANY FRIENDS and then when I get home Grant is sleepy so he can't play and I'll NEVER get to play with anybody and I have to be lonely for the WHOLE WEEK and a week takes FOREVER!"  All this punctuated with many sobs and hiccups and followed by a severe case of the heebie-jeebies.  I'm trying to be fair in this, really I am.  I explained to Grayson that by not being the new kid, he has to play by all the rules.  School is fun, but it can't be fun all the time. 

On the other hand, I would expect different from a kindergarten teacher.  She should see that he is still too insecure to be put in this situation right now.  I mean, for goodness sake, give the boy an adjustment period before you make him an outcast for the week!  I intend to speak to her this morning (don't worry, I can fake calm and objective really well).  I don't want her to give him special treatment which might cause resentment from the other kids; I just want her to be aware of what he's feeling (and a small part of me wants her to feel intense shame for causing it.  But I keep telling that part of me to hush).   

Sorry for writing a book rather than a blog post, I guess I had a lot to say!  Now tell me, what would you do in this situation: talk to the teacher, or leave it alone?

Comments

[Expat Mom]

Aw, poor Grayson. I agree that the teacher should have waited at least a few more weeks before adding his name to the outcast box.

[Megan]

set that woman straight mamma! That's really unfair. Hopefully, Grayson has an overblown idea of how alone he will acutally be, but still, that's just rude...

[kailani]

I agree. Maybe she shouldn't put his name in the hat for a while so that the other kids won't know what's going on.

[Chris in Oxford]

I think you said it best - school is fun, but it's not fun all the time (or really very much of the time;)

[arizaphale]

OK teacher talking here! :-)
Definitely tell her how Grayson is feeling. She probably has no idea it would upset him this much. He has been coping so well and is obviously well adjusted...who knew he would project this into such a big deal? (her thoughts) Also, it may not actually be that it IS such a big deal. After all there's still playtime and the rest of class time when he get to play and sit next to people....the teacher will probably be gutted that he took it so hard (I would) and may be able to come up with a compromise. Had she known how he would see it she probably would have thought to leave his name out of the hat this time but what can I say? We teachers are human and we get it wrong sometimes. One of the downsides of having a bright, verbal child is that they often appear older and more mature than they are and people tend to expect that they will cope with things. They forget they're just kids. Hope it goes ok, I'm sure it will.

[Jessica Keith]

Quick update: I spoke with his teacher after school today, and asked her if he seemed to be fitting in okay with the other kids. I then told her he was very upset last night and that he said he didn't get to play with anybody all day. She told me what I already knew, and said she was so sorry, she couldn't believe his name came out of the hat so soon. Anyway, he got to have a partner today because someone was sick. She really seemed to be sorry for the situation, and in the end, I think it will help Grayson to know he has to play by all the rules. All's well that ends well!

[Kathy]

Well handled mom!